Have you ever been in a situation (or conversation) where you didn't feel heard? Or maybe you noticed that the person you were talking to didn't seem to feel heard?

This happened to me in front of a judge and I was almost held in contempt.

I was interpreting in court, and the judge didn't understand the process of court interpreting, and that it is required to have at least two interpreters in the room when a hard of hearing person is in court because it's so technical.

Well, this judge didn't understand and was insisting that one of us leave. And if we didn't, he was going to hold us in contempt of court.

Well, my interpreting team member wasn't very good at holding back, and got a little confrontational, which really upset the judge.

So I stepped in and very carefully (and respectfully) repeated back what the judge was saying to make sure he felt like he was being heard and to decompress the situation.

It worked.

None of us went to jail.

We both got to stay and all of us felt heard.

Think about a time when someone was resistant to you, but maybe it's because you weren't letting them know that you actually heard what they were saying.

Today, I want to share a communication technique that guarantees that resolution to a conflict will happen sooner.

This is the fourth part of a series on how to better communicate, especially when the stakes are high or the conversation is difficult. Communication is vital in our relationships with...

• co-workers
• family
• friends
• anyone!

So, if you're just joining us, be sure to catch part one: Read the Room, part two: Speak Their Language and part three: Stay Focused.

Now, let's get into the fourth technique.

This is a technique I learned in my counseling career, and it goes like this:

If you're having a problem with someone, let them talk first.

Let them tell you every detail about what's going on, and all you do is listen.

No retort. No going back.

Just listening.

When they're done explaining how they feel, you repeat what you heard back to them.

Then, it's their opportunity again to say, nope, what I meant was _____________.

You come back with, okay, what I heard was this.

You continue this part of the conversation until they feel completely heard. This is going to lower the resistance.

The next part of the conversation is your opportunity to voice your perspective. And they can repeat back what they've heard.

When you're done with this process, you both will know you've been heard.

The anxiety, the anger, and the fear will have decreased. You'll be able to find a compromise quicker.

Try this technique.

And let me know how it goes.

I can't wait to hear about the resolution you have and the compromises you make.

Today we are continuing our study of Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements.

The next agreement is: Be Impeccable With Your Words.

Being impeccable with your words means being careful of what you say.

In Al-Anon, I believe they say "Mean what you say. Say what you mean. Just don't say it mean".

So, you can be impeccable with your words for others.

AND also be impeccable with your words about yourself.

Are you being loving and kind to yourself? Are you being loving and kind to others?

Being kind can really help with relationships and your self esteem.

So this week, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and be impeccable with your words.